June 24: Funny, the Things You Miss

RUSTY: I keep hearing about what it means when cats blink at you. You've got it all wrong, you know.
ME: It doesn't mean that you're fond of us?
RUSTY: Nope.
ME: Or that you trust us?
RUSTY: Certainly not.
ME: Well what does it mean, then?
RUSTY: That we're sick to death of the sight of you.
ME: Ha ha.
RUSTY: Seriously. A cat blinks at you, he can't look at you for another second.
ME: Does this count as your mandatory daily insult of humankind?
RUSTY: I do have a quota.
ME: Everyone needs a goal, man.
RUSTY: See, you understand me. If you ever let me out, we could be a team. We could solve crimes. Make the world better for an hour once a week.
ME: You need to watch less TV.
RUSTY: Seriously. It would be epic. You and me. Putting the bad guys away and saying cool stuff for the camera.
ME: Yeah, they'll tune in by the dozen.
RUSTY: Can you see it? "Claw and Order?"
ME: "Jake and the Cat Man?"
RUSTY: "NYPD Blue Persian?"
ME: "C-A-T: Miami?"
RUSTY: Good one. I could whip off my shades, look at the camera, and say "looks like this one...crossed the rainbow bridge." Then cue Roger Daltrey screaming.
ME:"Catney and Lacey?"
RUSTY: We're done with this.
ME: Sorry.
RUSTY: Gotta know when to stop.
ME: I know.
RUSTY: Besides, in that scenario I'm obviously Catney - does that mean you're gonna be Lacey?
ME: It was just a title.
RUSTY: No, no, no, I think there's more here. You secretly want to be Marybeth Lacey!
ME: She was a handsome woman, back then.
RUSTY: Yeah, she could rock a calf-length frumpy skirt like no one in the business.
ME: Hey - that's Tyne Daly you're making fun of. Back it up a bit, there, four legs.
RUSTY: Oh my god you DO have a thing for her! Gross!
ME: Yeah that's what happens when you still have your testicles. You remember them?
RUSTY: If having balls makes me weak in the knees for Tyne freakin' Daly, I'm glad I don't have them.
ME: Really?
RUSTY: (Pauses) No. Not really.
ME: OK then.
RUSTY: I miss my balls.
ME: That's going on your headstone.