June 13: The Wrong Chair

RUSTY: Whatcha doin, monkey man?
ME: Reading.
RUSTY: No you're not.
RUSTY plops down on STUPID HUMAN's newspaper.
ME: Rusty, get up. Get up!
RUSTY: My my my, this is one comfortable newspaper. All warm and cozy...I might stay here forever.
ME: You want to bet that I can push your ass off my paper?
RUSTY: You want to bet that I can make you regret that decision?
ME: OK, OK. (pulls paper out from RUSTY and puts it away) What's on your tiny little mind?
RUSTY: You're in the wrong chair.
ME: Beg pardon?
RUSTY: This isn't your chair.
ME: What's it to you?
RUSTY: We cats have a highly-developed sense of order.
ME: I hadn't noticed.
RUSTY: You're in the wong chair.
ME: The light is better for reading here.
RUSTY: Well, you're no longer reading. Problem solved.
ME: I foresee a time in the not-so-distant future where I'll pick up the habit once again.
RUSTY: Speaking of habits, I think Other Cat is hooked on catnip.
ME: First of all, I've seen you hit the green stuff pretty hard yourself. Second of all, don't be a rat; it's unseemly.
RUSTY: Unless you want me to drag my hindquarters across your pillow every day when you're at work, you'll never call me a rat ever again.
ME: Her name is Maya, by the way.
RUSTY: Whatever.
ME: Newsflash, there, chum: These are ALL my chairs. If I want to sit on that stack of pillows you like so much, I'm sitting on the pillows.
RUSTY: You wouldn't dare.
ME: Watch me.
RUSTY: No, I mean you wouldn't dare. Have you smelled that thing recently?
ME: That's a good point. Hey, it's 6:00. You hungry, Rusty cat? You hungry? Wanna eat?
RUSTY (eyes wide): Yes please! Yes please!
ME: You know what you have to do.
RUSTY: Really? We're not past this by now?
ME: I'm waiting.
RUSTY: (sighs with exasperation) Meow. Meow meow.
ME: Let's go eat, buddy.