Saturday, June 28, 2014

June 20: Big Plans

RUSTY: I want a cape.
ME: Who did what to who now?
RUSTY: I want a cape.
ME: You want a cape.
RUSTY: I didn't meow it. I want a cape.
ME: And why exactly do you want a cape?
RUSTY: They're cool as hell. I saw this cat on TV with a cape and a mask, he was the coolest cat I've ever seen. And that's saying something.
ME: You watched Shrek 2 and you saw Puss-In-Boots?
RUSTY: I did.
ME: And you don't want the boots?
RUSTY: A cat with boots? Don't be absurd.
ME: Said the cat who wants a cape.
RUSTY: Don't you judge me.
ME: What would you do with a cape?
RUSTY: I would dash from place to place, and speak in an exotic accent. I wouldn't be a hero, though.
ME: Of course you wouldn't.
RUSTY: I'd be a highwayman.
ME: You'd probably want the mask, too, then.
RUSTY: (pauses) Yeah, ok, throw in the mask.
ME: Well that's a relief. They'll never be able to tell an orange Persian cat is robbing their stagecoach.
RUSTY: I'd go with a British accent. "Stand and deliver, my unarmed friends, and on the double-quick, lest ye taste my steel."
ME: So...the sword too?
RUSTY: The cat on TV had that great "hands on the hips" pose. How does he do that?
ME: It's a fairy tale, Rusty.
RUSTY: Sometimes I think so too.
ME: No, I mean the story of Puss-In-Boots, it's not real, it's a cartoon.
RUSTY (stunned): So he can't...
ME: No, pal, he can't.
RUSTY: And he doesn't...
ME: Nope.
RUSTY: The world is a cruel place sometimes.
ME: I know. (pats lap) Come on. Come up here Rusty cat, tell me all about it.
RUSTY: I think...I think I'd rather just be alone.
ME: OK, buddy.
RUSTY starts to walk away.
RUSTY: I can still have the cape, though, right?
ME: No, Rusty.
RUSTY: (mumbling) I hope that stupid cape strangles him.

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