Tuesday, July 1, 2014

July 1: No Double Entendres Here

ME: What was all that destruction a few minutes ago? What the hell were you two up to?
RUSTY: That was all Other Cat's fault.
ME: Her name is Maya.
RUSTY: Whatever.
ME: What did she do?
RUSTY: She gave me that look that says, roughly, "chase me through the house until we break a lamp," and off we went.
ME: And one time you can't just go back to sleep?
RUSTY: The blood of my Cheetah ancestors runs hot within me.
ME: You're not related to the cheetah, you idiot.
RUSTY: Look it up. They're in Persia.
ME: That means they're your neighbors, not your freakin' grandparents.
RUSTY: Yeah, well, whoever my ancestors were, YOUR ancestors were scared to death of them.
ME: And oh, how the mighty have fallen.
RUSTY: Superior eye-paw coordination.
ME: Walk on two legs.
RUSTY: See six times better than you at night.
ME: Problem-solving skills.
RUSTY: Over 100 million olfactory nerves.
ME: Opposable thumbs. Game, set, match.
RUSTY: (Pauses) Yeah, that's a good one.
ME: Thumbs rule, man.
RUSTY: I could accomplish great things with thumbs.
ME: What's the first thing you do with them?
RUSTY: You mean, after I choke the shit out of you?
ME: Yes, Rusty, after that.
RUSTY: I'd learn to use the doorknob.
ME: And here I was hoping you'd learn to flush the toilet.
RUSTY: Then I'd get in that drawer you keep the catnip in, and I would never leave.
ME: You degenerate.
RUSTY: Ohh man. Do you have any idea what it's like, to breathe in the vapors of a plant and get high?
ME: Let's go with no.
RUSTY: That's too bad, because it's freakin' awesome.
ME: I can only imagine.
RUSTY: After that, I guess, the sky's the limit. Learn to drive, speaking engagements, develop a following, get elected, and run things my way.
ME: Then annex Austria, I'm guessing?
RUSTY: Hitler jokes are NEVER funny.
ME: Sorry, man, but you were heading off the rails a little bit there. Besides, you'd never be elected, what with your catnip problem and everything...
RUSTY: My reputation would be ruined.
ME: Shamed before the world.

1 comment :

  1. I love my cats and if they rules the world, I think they'd treat me pretty good =D


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